So, quite recently I’ve been through a break up. It ended in an unusual way but it was much more pleasant than usual, I will explain more further on…
Its unfortunate that our issues could not be resolved but life is what it is.
I always eat my words, I wouldn’t be able to write these blogs with full honesty and integrity if I didn’t. I see myself as an authentic person and I will always stay true to myself and the things that I say.
In this blog Id like to quickly run over a lesson I was taught in a relationship or two ago, it may just help you in the future so bare with me!
I broke up with a girl a while back and I really struggled with the post break up. It hit me when I was least expecting it because we had a good relationship. Her mother had gotten too involved and destroyed the relationship by manipulating the girls mind. Her mother was controlling and lonely so she wanted to be there all the time and gain ultimate control over mine and her actions. I rebelled and the relationship soon ended as her mum managed to turn her against me.
The lesson here was attachment.
I didn’t even love the girl, it was only just over three months in. The relationship was good at the time but I’m super happy I am out of it looking back from today. What made the break up so difficult was that Id gotten too attached to this girl and I soon had it taken away from me. I was devastated and it took me a good 3 full weeks to get my head straight.
At the time I didn’t know what the lesson was but like most lessons we don’t really know what they are until they have been and gone. We need time out of the situation and then more time to evaluate what has happened and then, we can work out what it was trying to teach us. Looking back at it now, like I said before, it was a lesson to not get attached to people.
So how do we have a relationship without being attached? Can we still love someone and not be attached? Can a relationship be normal without attachment?
We can have a relationship without attachments of course. Attachment is not love and love isn’t an attachment. Attachment stems from the emotion fear. Fear of losing something and having no way to control the outcome. Remember from past blogs I’ve spoken about the fact that love and fear cannot coexist, if you love someone you cannot have fear involved too. Love is without fear and is unconditional.
So the answer to the second question is, you cannot love someone if you are attached, simple. You think you do, but you are hiding behind fear, not love.
Next, there is no such thing as a normal relationship. Every relationship like every human is unique and thats what makes it special. If you do what others do you are not unique and you will never succeed in life or anything. WHY? Purely because you are not doing you and only doing you will let you succeed in life.
How does one manage to cope with a loss then if they break up with someone, or a family member dies etc etc
Well loving friends, family and a partner without attachment is the best way to do things. Here is my method and my way of dealing with things or thinking about things. It works for me, it may not work for you but it is worth a read.
I believe that life is an illusion. It is a journey and everything and every person around us is a sign or a lesson. What happens will happen and things happen solely for your experience.
Everything happens for a reason type of thing…
This is my base way of thinking and I stick by what I believe. Next I realise that nothing on the earth in this life as a human is permanent. People die, babies are born. Love is found, love is lost. There is a day and then there is a night. There is good and there is bad and so on. Things just come and go and when one things leaves another thing takes its place. There is cycle happening all the time and the illusion goes on and on.
From here I say to myself, I have something great today and I will enjoy that thing today. I am always present, I have no need for control and I don’t plan for the future. I live here and now all the time. I enjoy what I have in the present moment and chose not to worry about what the future holds, this is like practicing gratitude. I am grateful and that is that. So when It comes to the day something is taken away from me, I accept it. I say thank you to life for giving me this gift and the opportunity to enjoy that someone or something and I move on quickly. Now I say move on, I don’t mean I move on to someone else, I just let life go on and do its thing. What has gone is gone, it was supposed to go. I choose not to hold on to the past but to stay focused on the present. If someone dies, they have died, they are gone and there is nothing you can do about it. You accept the death and you stop worrying about it. Holding on to grief and pain is your choice. That is self inflicted and will never go unless you learn to get rid of it.
I always say…
You can only hold on to so many bags until your hands are full. Don’t expect life to move on if you are still holding on to old bags.
Let go of them and make space to pick up some new ones. Be patient and trust the process. Life is full of ups and downs. It isn’t supposed to be easy. Enjoy the ride, play the game and don’t get too attached to anything if you can help it.
Enjoy what you have, cherish it in the moment. If it goes let it go. Keep your eyes focused on whats ahead and trust your soul that is has something even better for you waiting ahead.
Fear will control you if you allow it too.
Be in the light of love and believe in your journey.
Learn to let go of things that leave you and be ready to accept what is coming to you in the next chapter of your life.
Peace & Love
Always & Forever