Whether it is you or someone close to you we all know somebody that is suffering.
Today I’d like to run through some simple physical and mental exercises that could potentially offer you a temporary or even a permanent relief to your suffering. Like I said it may not be you who is suffering, it maybe your sibling, your husband or wife etc. It doesn’t matter who it is, if they are close to you it could be you who saves this person’s life.
Over 5,500 people commit suicide in the UK every year. I’ve spoken previously about how many people in the UK alone suffer with Anxiety and Depression who are still alive which is around 6 million. This is crazy and it can all be ended if we start to understand simply why these people are suffering.
The way the government deals with any type of suffering in the UK is to simply push people away offering nothing much but medication in the form of pills, often named ‘happy pills’. If you are lucky you may get some counselling where you get to sit in a room with what they call a psychotherapist who is most likely also a sufferer too. These people use completely useless tactics and methods to attempt to cure people of their suffering, 99% of the time these so called psychotherapists alleviate no suffering from the sufferer. If these pills or these pathetic methods that these uncaring, uneducated and inexperienced counsellors use worked, we wouldn’t be dealing with so many mental health or suicide issues here in the UK.
So I hope you can see that this only remedy offered for suffering doesn’t do anything at all. I want to quickly touch on these ‘funny pills’ whilst we are currently on the topic. I’ve heard of people saying that these tablets make them feel a little better. These tablets literally mong you out, they can make you feel slightly less agitated, a little calmer or a little less depressed. The thing is there are so many recorded cases of these tablets making people worse and further more causing even harsher mental problems including psychosis and suicide. These tablets are potentially only a mild temporary fix and as soon as the user stops taking them they will immediately always go back to square one. So these tablets may give the sufferer a slight boost but how long can this person surely be taking these said tablets for? Must they become completely dependant on these MIND ALTERING DRUGS for EVER??? This is preposterous, ridiculous and is certainly not THE cure for any mental health issue or a cure for people who are suffering.
There are an unlimited amount of potential reasons that someone could link to the cause of their suffering. There is really only a small handful of reasons to why people suffer. The four main reasons are a lack of understanding, a lack of gratitude, a lack of communication and the inability to be present in the current moment.
The very first thing we have to do if we are suffering with anything in our lives whether it is with depression, anxiety, loss of loved ones or attachment issues etc is to FIRSTLY ADMIT IT.
We can simply say the words,
I know I am suffering.
We have taken a very simple but very important first step to healing ourselves. We have realised that we are in fact suffering. Sounds so simple yet so many people are suffering and they either don’t know that they are or they wont admit it. Just putting it out to the universe and letting it know you are suffering is a great thing. You will invite many potential remedies into your life just by opening yourself up to accept help.
The next step is also very simple. We can now say the words,
I know I am suffering, I need help.
So we have firstly acknowledged our own suffering and secondly have have put it out to everyone around us including the universe that we require help to get past this problem.
If you don’t ask you don’t get!
The next step is very clear to me that it is the best way to start on your healing journey. I want you to understand that suffering in a mental way is purely created in YOUR OWN MIND. There are really no external things that make you feel anyway in particular, it is purely the way you react, relate or feel about something. We all know that each and every person reacts differently to similar or same situations. So there is no real thing that is creating this said suffering other than yourself. Now we have that cleared up the next step is simply practicing daily GRATITUDE.
I know all of this seems so simple but it is honestly all that is needed to give you relief of suffering. Stop getting caught up on the idea that there must be some ridiculous, complex crazy method needed to cure your issues. There isn’t!
So how do we practice gratitude and what does it mean to us?
Gratitude means simply being grateful for what we have in the present moment. So many people, trust me, SO MANY people are SO UNGRATEFUL these days. They have everything they need but they never stop to think that they have what they need as they are always thinking about the next thing they ‘need’ that will apparently make them that bit less unhappy. Gratitude in practice is simply being present and being 100% grateful for what you have right now…
Do you have a life?
Are you dying from cancer?
Do you have all of your limbs?
Do you have two eyes, a nose, and a mouth that somewhat function?
Do you have somewhere to live?
Do you have one friend, or a family member who cares that you are alive?
Do you have somewhere to sleep at night?
Have you eaten in the past 24 hours?
And so on…
I bet you answered yes to all of these. So why are you so ungrateful? I know of plenty of people that can’t answer yes to many of these that are way happier, GUARANTEED, than you are. WHY? Because they are grateful they have something rather than nothing. Nowadays people think they don’t have anything and they always yearn for more more more! The problem is you already have everything you need you are just ungrateful and greedy! Learn to STOP, take a moment and be happy you aren’t starving, you have clean water, you have clothes to wear that are clean, you aren’t dying at the side of the road with cancer and with no medical help, you have somewhere to sleep safely at night, your eyes can see, you are not a cyclops or a one eyed pirate, your mouth can taste, breath and receive a loving kiss. All of these things you just expect to be there but wait, wait until you lose your eyesight, you lose your home, you become hospital bound with illness or you have a car accident and lose your good looks, a limb or even your wife/husband who was also in the car at the time. People don’t seem to care or notice until they lose what they always took for granted.
You don’t know what you got until it’s gone!!!
So, be mindful, be aware and be present in the moment. Think about what you have instead of what you THINK you don’t have. One day you may be so unlucky to lose something you took for granted and only then you may realise how much you took everything in life for granted and you will realise how ungrateful you used to be.
Stop and think how lucky you are. This can be practiced once a day everyday when you either wake up or go to bed. Its a fantastic way to start your day if you chose to do it first thing when you wake up. Just take a moment and stop, be comfortable and just be. A great exercise to bring you right into the present moment is to do this:
Take a nice deep breath inwards, hold it for four seconds and then breath outwards.
Now, when you breath in just be the air that fills your lungs, do not be the person you think you are, just be the breath inwards. Hold you breath for a few seconds and whilst you do, again just be the air inside of your lungs. When you are ready to breath out, just be the air that you are exhaling outwards. This is the best way to feel and be present in the current moment. Nothing can come closer.
Whilst you do this exercise you can simply say to yourself as you breathe in,
I have two eyes…
As you then proceed to breathe out you can go on to say,
I smile to my eyes as I am grateful that I have them to see all things that are beautiful around me. I am grateful.
So simple yet so powerful. Please give this a go. Don’t forget to smile as you exhale and be happy. We tend to wake up to go to work everyday with a negative attitude and this sets our mood for the entire day ahead. Try for once just changing that routine and replace it with a few mindful deep breathing and gratitude exercises.
You can think of anything whilst you do your breathing exercises, you can think about your wife, your kids or anyone you care deeply about that is close to you. If you are alone, you can simply be happy for your own health, life or anything you think you could be possibly grateful for.
I have my health…
I am happy I am alive to live each day so I can offer my unconditional love for others.
To those who feel like they’d still be struggling to feel truly grateful for anything then I feel sorry for you. You must be living in the sewers, starving, have aids, cancer, only one arm and you must also be blind…
You always have plenty to be grateful for, just remember whatever situation you believe you are in, it could ALWAYS BE WORSE.
So, with our new found and practiced breathing and gratitude exercises we could potentially already be on our way to feeling somewhat better and slowly relieving some of our built up suffering. Next I’d like to talk about communication. Super important.
Communication is key. Always. Period.
I remember when I was on operational tour in Afghanistan and we were in a contact receiving enemy fire. As we were returning fire the mortar fire controller that was with us, called down friendly mortar fire on to the enemy. Unfortunately the grid reference was miss communicated and the friendly mortar’s started dropping on us. We ended up with a casualty. This shouldn’t have happened but it did due to bad communication.
People badly communicate all the time and thats why so many incidents happen at work, so many people lose their job, do something wrong or simply just get injured. As a race we have the perfect means to communicate yet we chose not to do so correctly. We are lazy and ignorant people. Today I would like to help you understand why proper communication is an absolute quintessential ingredient to elevate pain and suffering from yourself or someone around you.
As mentioned above so many people around us these days are suffering. Id like to say 99% of humanity are suffering. People suffer in silence all around us and will go through an entire lifetime never speaking up about it or even realising that they are suffering. So when I said people don’t know they are suffering I mean like when someone doesn’t believe they are suffering or they blame an external factor for the negative actions they act out and believe they are ok, there is nothing wrong with them, its the people around them that are at fault.
Ive grown up with a father who suffered as a child. So when he brought me up he made me suffer. He didn’t know deep down inside that he was suffering and it was the suffering inside that made him make me suffer. I have done the same to people I’ve been in relationships with in the past. I’d do things to make other people suffer for no reason, I just couldn’t help it. Why did I do this? Because I was suffering and I didn’t know I was. If someone at the time had told me – you are suffering, I’d had laughed at them and told them to beat it. I was suffering because my dad passed his suffering on through me. Fortunately I have recently come to terms with this suffering and have learnt how to clear it from my consciousness. I water no seeds related to this suffering anymore.
We all experience suffering at some point or another.
So next up, communication is also very important because we need to communicate to others about how or why we are suffering. If you have a wife or a child etc who is suffering, let them know that you know they are suffering. From here on It’s your job to help that said person. You need to priorities time to help them and to aid in there recovery. Be gentle, caring and be the worlds greatest listener. You have to listen. Just by listening you can rid the sufferer immediately of some pain. By communicating with the sufferer and listening to them you will hopefully start to understand the person much better than you thought you did. Listen to how their mind works, how their heart works and most of all listen to what they need to prevent any more pain. Don’t expect the sufferer to always let everything out the first time you communicate with them about this issue, just be patient and keep trying. Listen and always speak last.
You can’t LOVE if you suffer. Love is without fear. Fear is suffering. If one is suffering then one cannot truly love. If we suffer, we don’t love ourselves. WHY? Because if we loved ourselves we wouldn’t make ourselves suffer. Quite simple really. So because we don’t truly love ourselves, again, we cannot love another. When you partner is suffering they do not properly love you. If you want them to, then you have to help them learn to love themselves and to stop all suffering.
If you are both suffering which id imagine is 100% going to be the case unless you are truly pure, you understand the true meaning of life, love and peace. You have no fear and you practice unconditional love daily. Then you both need to help each other out. See it almost as a challenge. Don’t be afraid to expose yourself, what is the point in being in a relationship with someone who you cannot be fully open and honest with? If you cannot be, your relationship is already failed and will always be so.
So, learn to express yourself and communicate your problems to others and don’t ever be afraid to seek help. Without communicating your problems with others nobody will ever be their to truly help you heal.
Finally the most simple, yet seems to be the upmost difficult practice for most people is to be present.
Much suffering comes from being not present. People live in the past or the future. Very very very rarely is anyone ever present. You drive to work, you are thinking about what is going to happen today, what is about to happen or what you may have left on at home. You are never right there in the moment. You are sitting at home stroking the dog, you are thinking about the weekend, you are thinking about the doctors appointment you need to book or you are thinking about what you are going to by your mother in law for Christmas. You are never present.
I will show you quickly how hard it is to be present. Follow this quick breathing exercise.
Breathe in a nice long breath, do not hold the breath just breath it out naturally when you have fully inhaled. Say these things in your head as you complete the simple exercise.
I am the breath that i am breathing in.
(As you exhale)
I am the breath that a breath out.
For that moment you carried out the exercise you were present. You were only truly focusing on the present moment in time, nothing else. Think about how present you just were… Now i’ve just put you into a past moment :). You have already stopped being present! Its so so easy not to be present and the lack of being present in the moment absolutely destroys peoples lives.
We worry about the future and how we have no control over the outcome. We worry about the past and how we cannot change it. The past and the future will be looked after if you live presently but people cannot seem to find the focus or love for themselves to bother being present.
If we are missing from the present HOW can we do the right thing in the present moment so that our future will already be taken care of? Stop trying to jump too far ahead to try and fix the future before it is even here yet, take care of the present and the present will take care of the future.
If we are missing from the present how can we ever come to terms and accept fully what may have happened in the past? If we are always thinking what if, but or if id only… How can we ever be happy in the present moment? We cannot even be present or happy if we are always so fixated on the past. What happened in the past has gone, stop worrying about it, accept it and do what you can to make the present moment right for you. Being happy can only be something that is done in the present, it is not in the past nor is it in the future, it is here right now. To stop suffering we must be happy.
What has happened and what hasn’t happened yet you have zero control over. What is HAPPENING right now you do have control over. Be bloody present and take control of your feelings, your life and your outcomes right now in the current moment.
So to round this post off we must start with recognising that we or someone we care about is suffering. We then need to almost expose the suffering ourselves so we can be helped or we must communicate to the sufferer that it is ok to suffer and that we are here to help them no matter what it takes. We must practice gratitude always because a lot of suffering is just created in the mind because we are naturally greedy animals. We also need to communicate with others so they know we are there for them and so that things are being properly understood. We finally must learn to spend more time being present in the moment by not getting dragged into past thoughts or future thinking.
I hope this blog was able to help you even just a little bit. We could all do with a little less suffering in our lives. Be the one who helps someone from suffering so much or be the one that opens up and allows the world and the people around you to help you heal!
Thank you for sticking with me to the end of this long post but it is quite an important subject so it needed some extra tips and explanations to make it all easier to understand.
All My Unconditional Love